Monday, March 17, 2008

Day 10 - feasting over

This has been my third attempt at a juice feast. On the first two I had major detox reactions with a high fever and aching joints. On all three I have experienced very low energy and depression.

I haven't written much as it felt like I was reading all these blogs on juice feasting everywhere and everyone seemed so happy and full of energy and writing such spiritual things - and I didn't feel I was there. In fact I wrote some things and then deleted my entries as I felt too vulnerable.

Anyway, I stopped the third feast today on the tenth day. I didn't feel like me. I woke feeling depressed. The sun was shining but I felt like I wanted to hide away. The world looked like this frightening place and I didn't want to be in it. My energy was low, I was heavy and lethargic, no appetite for food, juice or life.

And I don't know how to express it properly but my mind felt warped. I found myself crying out loud to God or Spirit or whatever to either let me die or to make something good happen.

Later two friends contacted me out of the blue, so I feel like my prayer was answered and I guess God does not want me to die just yet and I guess God must love me.

I ate this afternoon. Far too much but it was healthy - some goji berry cookies that I had made for someone else. (I will have to make more now :-) )Gojis, buckwheat and cacao. And I began to feel normal again. It felt chemical. Like I wasn't getting something I needed with the juice. Some amino acids I'd guess.

It also felt like my metabolism just wasn't starting up with the juice. The juice would often sit in my stomach until I did some "breath of fire" exercises. My metabolism is naturally very slow even though I am skinny. And I have a tendency to low HCL. My suspicions would be that the juice was just "putting out the fire" of my stomach - thus reducing my digestive ability. But I don't know.

Also at the moment I don't feel like the rest of my life is in enough of a supportive place to help me with radical detox. There is too much uncertainty.

So that's all really. I'm off to Hippocrates soon so I will let them explain why it does not seem to work for me and what I need to do to radically heal myself.

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